I feel like I've changed. I've become a lot more out going and instead of looking for love, I feel like I have a lot of it and I just give it out to people.

Good life.

Praise God. As always. In sin, or in grace.

I'm tired of bringing myself down when God is trying so hard to raise me up.

Now that I look at it, I realize how little faith I have.

I wonder what heaven is like...

Huh

Sleepover tonight with Carlo got cancelled. I'm actually pretty glad because I feel like I've been out too much and I just want my family to know that I do in fact love them and want to be with them. lol

Anyway, I dunno why I'm so excited for being alone tonight. It'll just be me, music, chill games, and God.

Chill life.

I feel like I need this anyway, it just so happens that after awhile of being around people too much, I feel like I expect too much. My insecurities grow tenfold.

I guess God knows I need this night to serve as a reminder of who I am.

Real talk, real talk.

Everybody Knows

Sometimes it just feels so lonely to be honest.

People are afraid I''ll judge them? No I won't. I cannot judge you as a person. Only God can judge you and me. I'm just as disgusting of a sinner as anyone else. We're all evil in our own ways. It's just a different mask, a different story, but the same thing in the end.

Some are more pronounced than others, some are more hidden. Either way, God sees all.

Every time I learn more about the darker sides of people, it honestly hurts so much. Not so much because of what they've done, but because of how they take it, how they view it, how they deal with it.

No it's not alright. No it's not okay.

Yes, it is indeed a sin.

That's it. That's the truth.

"I lied to you because I love you, if I told you the truth all the time it would just drive you away."

Foreal bro? Truth and Love go hand in hand. You really think God lies to us? He's pretty straight up about what's up; it's written all over the Bible. Both His just and righteousness AS WELL AS his love and mercy.

If you truly love someone you would tell them the truth. That's what true love is. Truth isn't there just to make it sound like legit love. If you knew what true love is, you would know that sometimes hurt and suffering are necessary just as much as truth is. You don't know how much of a better person someone can become if they heard a painful truth and PERSEVERED through it.

Back to my main point though... sometimes it feels so lonely. You can't show me your true self because you're afraid I'll judge you? You think I'm so holy?

Buddy do you know what it takes to choose God? You think I'm like this because I'm just so naturally awesome and innocent like that? You think it's easy to follow God? You think it's easy to choose God?

This took CHOICES. This took SUFFERING. This took HARDSHIP. This took EXPERIENCES. This took PERSEVERANCE. This took looking at the plain TRUTH. This took LETTING GO of so many people and so many things.

I'm like this because I CHOSE to be. It started when I asked myself, "What am I doing? Who am I trying to please? Who am I really? Don't I deserve better than this?"

I wanted to find my true self. I wanted to be who I am. I want to find myself. I want to be who I am.

That's it.. That's all I ever wanted. I just wanted me. I wanted peace. I wanted escape. I wanted God.

So... Don't push me away because of your sins. It honestly hurts so much more than you know. I don't like being the friend on the sidelines left out because you assume so much about me. Because you're afraid I'll judge you? Because you're afraid you'll lose me somehow as a friend? Look what you're doing, you're not even being a true friend to me already, and you're not letting me be a true friend to you.

I deserve the truth.

So no, don't you EVER fear judgement from me. The only One you should fear is God Himself.

I'm your friend.

"Fear is not in love. Instead, perfect love casts out fear, for fear pertains to punishment. And whoever fears is not perfected in love." -1 John 4:18

We're friends. We carry each other's burdens together. That's what friends do.

Isn't it beautiful?

Humility

God loves you. :)

I feel like He's constantly tearing up my heart and breaking it.

And it's beautiful. So beautiful.

Trust? Or is it expecting less?

But true love knows true suffering. True love knows what hurt is.

Questions bro, questions.

An unvanishing summer day.

Dang, today turned out so well! I always enjoy my friends, but today especially I got to catch up with a lot of people I haven't talked with in awhile as well as learn more about my friends now.

Shout outs to Clarissa Balila, Abby Zaporteza, Ronn Ponce, John Hidalgo, Jeff Ortiz and Monica Ponce :)

Sometimes I think about all the blessings in my life, and I just wonder, what have I sacrificed? What do I have to offer to the world?