Man I'm so torn, I wish I had more confidence to do things that my friends naturally like to do. :/ I mean I like to play sports and dance! But I don't feel comfortable doing them with people who all have a huge passion for them. I guess I just want to be surrounded by chill people sometimes you know? Stay with me on my own path of growth till I feel comfortable doing things at their level.

Sometimes it feels like ordinary everyday things of life always seem to make me feel so uncomfortable; I always feel like my entire life is constantly putting myself out of my comfort zone haha.

Nothing bad with that.. But everyday? It's a bit tiring.

Random thoughts of the night.

Obedience

"I'd rather trust and regret, than doubt and regret."

Sigh, the battle rages on. Can't give up though if God isn't.

NTS: I am loved.

I realized that the time I hated and was most angry at God in my life was when I realized He wasn't going to be my genie.

He was going to be my Father.

He wasn't going to grant my wishes to be better, He was going to make me be better.

Life hasn't been comfortable since, but I've never known happiness and love as I do now. And I'm being pushed forward to experience even more.

Chill days, chill jams and chill meals with chill people.

Praise God for friends, talents, delicious meals, long car ride jams, singing our hearts out, and awesome company.

God is too good to me.

Thank You

Humble me, Lord, so that I neither claim that I deserve Your love nor claim that I do not deserve Your love. My sins and my life do not decide whether you love and forgive me.

Lord, I pray that you break my heart for what breaks Yours. This heart belongs to You.

"The Lord never tires of forgiving. It is we who tire of asking for forgiveness." -Pope Francis I

I was having a talk with my dad about the question of evil, confusion, suffering and corruption in the world and in the Church.

While on the topic, I remember reading some things here and there where God even let the devil have permission to wreak havoc and evil upon humanity. It sort of put the question: Why the heck would God let that? Is He just cruel? How good is this God?

And then it came upon me, God is amazing and knows everything and will never put us through something we can't handle. Other than God's complete understanding of our (and angel's and demon's free will), God has an abounding and never ending amount of love, mercy, and forgiveness.

Through God's providence He allows these things not because humanity is capable of handling all this suffering or that He's cruel, but because God is capable and full of love and forgiveness.

The theme of this entire story of our universe is love in the end anyway.

One of the last things Jesus did before He died was forgive the thief beside Him being crucified as well. The man had lived a sinful life, and even up till his last moments he was forgiven of everything.

Some people complain how it's unfair that people living sinfully their entire lives could be forgiven at the last breath. And then we go off complaining how God is so cruel and letting evil go off around the world.

Look at us. We're arrogant, self-righteous and ungrateful in either case.

But loved so much none the less.

In the background of one story, the support character in another, and a main character for his own and for other's.

CP March 14th, 2013

You are constantly hoping that your good fellowship and attitude and your 'love for your fellow man (or women)' will give you peace of mind. You need people - people around you to care for you and to show you that they care. It is this hope that keeps you going, the hope that makes you the type of person that indeed you are. Your own need for approval seemingly makes you always ready to help others and in exchange you seek love, warmth and understanding. You will always listen to others and you are open to new ideas which hopefully will prove fruitful and interesting.

Enough is enough. Nothing seems to be working out as you would like it to and it has got to the stage where you feel as if you can't be bothered anymore. The way you feel is that it would be great if you could be cut off from everything and take it easy - be it only for a short time.

You feel truly deprived - not getting your fair share, but you have accepted the fact that that is the way things are at this time and that it is prudent to let matters slide and not hit your head against the wall -so conform and agree for a while. Accept the situation - nothing can last forever.

Whatever you strive to do, something always seems to be holding you back. There is no subterfuge in you. You are a clear thinker and all you demand from life, in a relationship, is a partner whom you can trust and with whom you can, together, develop a foundation of trust based on understanding. You are your own person and you demand freedom of thought to follow your own convictions. You have no interest in 'two-timing' and all you seek is sincerity and 'straight-dealing'.

You are anxious about all the limitations to which you are subjected to at this time. You feel that you are not valued for what or who you are. You need OUT. So why procrastinate any longer - MOVE!

NTS: you make a life out of what you've been given and not what you're missing.

Only Your love can conquer, only Your love can strengthen and endure.

Preserve what's left God, I pray for Your perseverance. I pray that you preserve only what is You. I understand the rest must go.

Doing full time summer school. There's no summer vacation in the real world anyway, so might as well get the mindset going and summer vacation outta my head!

Life's too beautiful to be jealous or to hate.

Those things didn't last forever, which is why I strayed away from putting it on a pedestal meant for things that last forever.

A really random late night thought:

I just reblogged a post on tumblr depicting a cartoon summary of this girl Malala's fight for the right for education. She was shot in the head by a man related to the Taliban since they had banned women from the right to education.

She was shot in the head for wanting an education as a basic right.

Through this, I realized that I take my education for granted. I'm a huge spoiled brat. People in other parts of the world are dying and suffering just to get an education and here I am being lazy and procrastinating as my parents pay my way through a university level education and the luxury of a degree.

Miraculously, Malala survived the shot to the head and is still fighting for women's right to an education. Now I may not be a woman, but her story still serves its message that I need to be grateful for my education.

I am blessed. And with this blessing I am responsible.

There's a lot of suffering and crying out in the world, and I'm called to be a part of it, and to love it and heal it to the best of my talents and abilities.

It's time to work harder.

"But eventually you learn that you just can’t save anyone no matter how hard you try. People have to want to change, they have to want to do better, and to be better. All you can do is love people and pray for them and be present when they need you. But you can’t save them; at the end of the day, we all have to save ourselves." -Kovie Biakolo

The man that can love a woman, and cherish a friend.

Depending on the reader, that can be interpreted differently, each containing a lesson to learn.

I'm a wallflower.

By reconnecting with old friends, I've made so many more new ones. They're awesome people!

#pG was my first time snowboarding too :) (and I mildly sprained my ankle lol)

Growing up hurts.

But I hope to God you don’t stop growing. I've seen people give up on a lot of things from relationships to dreams, but one thing that absolutely disheartens me is seeing people give up on growing up as if going through with it doesn't promise anything worthwhile or life saving.

This too shall pass.

Keep your head up. =]

People hurt me the most in this life, but they also make me the happiest. That's a fact.

Love makes a way.

"...I, the LORD, have rebuilt what was destroyed and replanted what was desolate. I, the LORD, have promised, and I will do it." -Ezekiel 36:36

"Children needn't grow up believing that they need physical strength to be considered 'strong'." -Hayao Miyazaki

#pG for tonight

"I will give you a new heart and place a new spirit within you, taking from your bodies your stony hearts and giving you natural hearts." -Ezekiel 36:26

"I will put my spirit in you that you may live, and I will settle you upon your land; thus you shall know that I am the LORD. I have promised, and I will do it, says the LORD." -Ezekiel 37:14

The word of The Lord.