You never regret the times you spent with God.

I'm excited for tomorrow! Tomorrow is RYC!

It's time to #Arise.

"It's okay not to be okay."

God has put me through so many tests lately.

One thing I knew in my mind but learned for real in my heart (and still am) from all this is a long list to be honest.

After meeting God, He blessed me with so much. The perfect friends, the most peaceful and loving family, a world where in my eyes there was no such thing as suffering. Long story short, I think He showed me a little bit of heaven.

But from all this, I became blinded. I became prideful feeling like my input was always needed and that I was the most wise and righteous amongst my friends so therefore I HAD to be the one who had to have it altogether and receiving advice was unheard of because I was just so “perfect.”

And to add to it, I turned a blind eye to the suffering in the world, from local to international.

I was just a selfish Christian who only wanted to save myself and MY happiness and if someone put any dent into that, they were “let go” of.

But what I’ve learned is that God tests you in the places where you are most comfortable. And in my case, that was my youth group and friends.

And from all this…

I learned what it really meant when in the Our Father we pray “Forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who trespass against us.”

I learned that holding a grudge or any hate will only kill you. Only you.

I learned that my faith should be in God alone and not in man.

I learned what it really meant that I had no right to judge another human being.

I learned to love everyone equally and to forgive easily.

I learned that to find myself, I had to find Him.

I learned that I must search and yearn for God Himself, not God’s blessings.

From all this I’m still learning these lessons and I will always be learning. Anyway, good night :) and God bless!

“It’s okay not to be okay.”

It comes around and goes around

I contemplated the future and this is what I planned for my first year of the new chapter:

A. Conditions: Acceptance into SFU Science One Program
Plan:
-Step down as a YFC leader, and become a normal member in Campus
-No more dance
-Work my butt off and help pay for my schooling as well as begin saving for my exchange programs over seas

B. Conditions: Rejection from SFU because of my falling High School GPA
Plan:
-Apply somewhere for nursing
-Stay in YFC as a leader but move to Campus
-Join Epiphany Dance Crew
-Work my but off and help pay for my schooling

C. Conditions: Early-life crisis lol
Plan:
-Go into the Seminary

Rain, rain, come this way

Tumblr. Music. Quiet silence with God.

After a pretty bad day and rain to add to my music video depressed mood, I need this.

I feel like I lost a lot of things during these testing times though I know I gained so much.

Phew, I'm tired.

Move along, move along like I know you do (8)

Home sweet home

I feel like I needed that.

Praise God for the trip to the Grotto with my parents. :)

God...

I'm tired.

But praise You for my life thus far. Praise You.

Times are changing. For better or for worse. Wherever You lead me Lord, Thy will be done.

Glory and praise to You, Lord. You alone know what's best for us.

Times are changing. For better or for worse. Wherever You lead me Lord, Thy will be done.

"I was taking a walk."

No...

That's not it, Nagato.

You're tired.

You've been running around at the whim of Haruhi, protecting me, and probably doing other work without us knowing.

The weariness of it all must have built up...

"The error data accumulating in my memory database will cause a bug to trigger anomalous behavior. It is an unavoidable event. In three years, on December 18th, I will inevitably reconstruct the world. I have no countermeasure for it, because I do not know the cause of the error."

I do know.

What triggered the anomalous behavior that Nagato cannot understand?

What exactly was the error data that she's been accumulating?

It was the most basic of things.

Even for an AI that shouldn't stray from its program parameters, or for a robot, given enough time, it's natural for anomalies to develop.

You won't understand, but I do.

And Haruhi probably does too.

That, Nagato, is what we call emotions.

You were designed to be emotionless, so your reaction to it was that much stronger.

Every now and then, you must have wanted to cry or scream or yell "I don't care anymore!"

And even if you didn't think that way, maybe you should have.

We should have let you.

I'm also partially responsible.

I came to rely on her too much, just letting her deal with everything.

I figured that as long as she could handle everything, I could stop thinking.

I've been more of an idiot than Haruhi.

I don't have the right to point any fingers.

And as a result, Nagato was driven to the point where she wanted to change the world.

Bug? Error? Not a chance. That wasn't it.

This was exactly what she wanted.

She wished for a normal world like this.

"I silently pray to God that He will forgive me for calling you a coward, because who I am to call you a coward when I couldn’t even find the strength to tell you how I felt?"

LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFEEEEE

How do you say I'm sorry?

God how do I say I'm sorry?

In a state of sin or in a state of purity, be glorified, my God. Forever.

"I love you," was a promise You made to us. You to us. A promise that you have never broken. A love that I cannot deny.

Even in my low self-esteem, my vices, my guilt, my sinful nature, Your love is never changing.

Your love, I cannot deny.

And Oh. Again.

Sometimes I wish all my close friends were close friends together. :/

That would make life ten times easier. No lie.

Well now that I think about it, it did used to be that. Maybe this is why I was so hurt.

God, please be with me and my friends.

But still, Thank You! :)

Oh.

You guys still consider me part of that circle? :') and :'( and ........I'm a jerk.

Forever in need of Your wisdom and support, God.

Help me to be a better friend, please.

Thank You, and thank you all.

I want to be good at something.

Like decently good. No I don't have to flaunt it to everyone, it can just be between me, myself and God. And no it doesn't have to be the best in the world!

I think I should just start working on the talents God has given me now: dance and piano.

And maybe singing one day, I wish. :X

I want to join Epiphany and go back into piano lessons. Maybe when I'm in university and kill my social life I'll get back into my hobbies.

Virus

Today I got home from school early so I decided to work on my Grad Transition which I hadn't started yet and it's due in a week.

I ended up working on it from 3-8 and managed to finish 99% of 1 of the 3 sections, I was so satisfied with the work I had managed to do in a day that I decided to reward myself with torrenting the Prince of Egypt while I ate dinner.

After I was done eating dinner I came upstairs to find that a virus had attacked my computer. And it happened to leave my internet pages open but decided to shut down my Microsoft Word... and I didn't bother saving the entire time while working on it (that was my bad)...........................

I was about to explode, but then I held it in.

I was so confused and actually extremely angry but then I remembered Job and how things were so good for him but then God tested his faith and took away everything from him but not once did he blaspheme God.

So I prayed to God instead and asked for Him to help me and as the Bible says: "Ask and you shall receive."

And God answered!!!

My dad managed to (luckily) get rid of the virus. I ended up losing all the work I had done today but at least I saved my computer!

Praise God! :)

EDIT: THANK YOU GOD!!!! ALL MY WORK HAS BEEN RECOVERED!!! LOVE YOU GOD!!!

Haters gonna hate

Hate is a powerful and destructive thing.

NTS: God has taught me this, now I REALLY know why never to hate. It's up to me now with the new knowledge to make my choice.

Love or hate?

I’ll go with the one where true happiness and everlasting life awaits. :)

God bless

Wake up

Feeling alone while friends are texting you and thanking you for little things.

You need to wake up.

This goes for me and everyone else.

By choosing God to be in my life, one thing He has taught me and tests me to this day is to love. To love equally. To be grateful for everyone in my life.

Even when they aren't loving me the way I would like them to.

Retreat

It was chill, only 6 participants but we got tight and we learned a lot about the corruption in water bottles (which I'm never going to buy or use again, in case of an emergency).

But ya, I had a one on one with KC alone in the church which was cool, I thank her for trusting me with all of that, and I'll be praying for her.

And for Irvin too.

Later that night I had a one on one with Sean Santos, and I'd just like to thank him for his words of affirmation. I guess, being who I am amongst people, it was a nice change for someone to really try and understand me, to get know me, to listen. Like really listen.

So thank you for that Sean Santos, I've always wanted to know what I look like from other people's perspective, although it's only yours, it was still really.. heart warming. I'll be praying for you too.

K, anyway, I still need to go to confession.

Thank You for always being there, even in my darkest.

Peace

You are my Center.

God I understand the tests that are being put in front of me.

But please, though I know I may make mistakes for the rest of my days on Earth, help me to keep YOU as my center.

I want You as my center.

Nothing else. No one else.

There is no greater love than this.

My God is Mighty to Save

Really, bro?

I know I failed as a friend before when I didn't call you guys out those several times. And that's my fault, but not entirely my fault.

But now you're going to bring HER into this? I'm not going to make the same mistake again, I will for sure be the voice of reason this time.

You say you like her, so this is what you're gonna make her do? Get "crunk"?

Ya okay buddy. Cool story.

You guys piss me off so much. Sure you guys are no longer my priority, but you guys are still my friends.

God please help me, I'm praying for them.

Wow.. Praise God.

Can't stop praying, gotta keep going, this isn't the end, can't get too comfortable.

Praise and Thanks to You Lord, God!

Phew, I finally feel the hate and anger leaving my heart. All I know is that my prayers are being answered. I gotta keep reminding myself that I did in fact FIGHT with God.

If I hadn't been fighting, I'd still be consumed in hate and jealousy.

K, faith.

Step 1: TRUST God.
Step 2: Repeat Step 1.

Let Go...Fight

I'm always the one accusing people of always letting go and never fighting. But looking at my current situation, I've always tried letting go more than ACTUALLY trying to fight.

When you let go and let God, or fight and fight with God, it shouldn't bring fruits of hate and anger because with God, only good fruits can result.

So I guess I will start this and fight and fight with God.

First attack? Time to love and forgive with a smile.

As I go on, there appears to be a very fine line between letting go and fighting.

...As much as again I feel like the one who's taken for granted with these guys, I just wish they had bothered to ask what was wrong. Or maybe I'm just really good at acting.

I want to go back.

But I can't, because that's impossible.

So if I want to go back, then I have to move forward.

"It's either all my fault or I've been fooled by the devil into thinking I'm the only one who has pride."

Tearin' up my heart

Wow... what a roller coaster.

Just, wow.

Good night. God please grant me rest and peace, watch over me and my friends and my family as we all sleep tonight.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new day...

I just want to know what it's like to fall in love with whoever she is.

I called... You answered

And You came to my rescue, and I want to be where You are.

I want to be where You are. I want to fly. I want to love. I want to be happy. I want to forgive easily. I want to be surrounded by Your love.

You give me experiences that change my life, an emotion that today's people would call true happiness, and knowledge and wisdom to live life; to live.

I want to hold on to why I wanted to change, to why I put so much effort into You. I want to get back to my roots, to when I didn't care about expectations and I believed that I could never truly hate anyone. To when you were TRULY my center, my focus.

It's amazing, years of lust but the one time I fall to true hate, true rejection of love, I had never felt so damaged before. So shaken. So... numb.

I just want to go back, Jesus.

Well, more like I want to move forward, God.

I want to run.

Faith, Love, Humility, Repentance.

Huh...

Starting to wonder who this 'them' is.

Damn you teenage hormones, I like it when I'm not emotionally all over the place. I feel like I can't even make a decision without the next day being a hypocrite.

Colorgenics profile, as of Friday, April 1st, 2011

You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back... so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.

Enough is enough. Nothing seems to be working out as you would like it to and it has got to the stage where you feel as if you can't be bothered anymore. The way you feel is that it would be great if you could be cut off from everything and take it easy - be it only for a short time.

You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.

Whatever you strive to do, something always seems to be holding you back. There is no subterfuge in you. You are a clear thinker and all you demand from life, in a relationship, is a partner whom you can trust and with whom you can, together, develop a foundation of trust based on understanding. You are your own person and you demand freedom of thought to follow your own convictions. You have no interest in 'two-timing' and all you seek is sincerity and 'straight-dealing'.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

Note to Self

This world is harsh, and with all the unreasonable hate, anger and selfishness it has, it will never be a good enough excuse for me to reflect that.

God loves me; His grace is enough.

I have no excuse.