I realize that I have as many friends as the number of different sides of me. Does it make me fake? I used to be worried about that, but now that I see it, God just made me for who I am.

And I shall live and be grateful for that. And I should live and be grateful for that.

To love and be happy is to glorify God.

"Scientific truth is not final, but constantly evolving." -Peter Attia

"Our lives are stories of second chances; be grateful for the grace that is your life."

"We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed." -2 Corinthians 4:8-9

As humans we are called to grow together more so than alone. In our friendships and relationships we can grow through our times spent together and through our conversations. But, also in our friendships and relationships, we can grow though our conflicts and through our miscommunications. One side teaches us joy and unity, while the other teaches humility and perseverance.

In the end though, both sides teach love and sacrifice.

Relationships and friendships, like God's grace (and as well as through God's grace), can bear good fruit from either good or bad situations, but only if you let them.

Boom

I can't explain it. I just feel so out of place sometimes.

(I kinda just wanna disappear for a bit)

Sorry for the emo blog :( I'll grow up soon enough.

Growing up though doesn't equal complete control and constant happiness. People don't stop being sad. Their attitudes just change.

A quiet life; a simple life; a humble life full of small things and great love.

Desires of the heart, yearnings of the soul.

In my sin You are my Lord and my God; in my good You are my Lord and my God. Your grace and love are independent of what I do and what I am.

"Our problem isn’t that we don’t know how to love but that we mistake love for an emotion. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul describes love. Scripture defines it in two ways: what love is and what loves does. What love does is a direct result of what love is. Nowhere in Paul’s description does he talk about feelings. Love is not a feeling—it is an act of valuing others as much as we value ourselves."

from http://www.relevantmagazine.com/life/whole-life/loving-hard

"Does a man harbor anger against another, and yet seek for healing from the Lord?" -Sirach 28:3

Frankly, I don't want my relationships to be limited by time, cliques, groups or common interests.

My life has been--to me at least--pretty simple. And I don't know why I get so excited and happy thinking that.

It's almost like I'm affirming myself that I've been staying true to myself, trying my best to do what's right, stuck to my faith (even if it's by a single thread at times), and chosen to love, forgive and be happy and grateful.

I have to make do and give my all according to what God has given me... And I guess I just pray that He upholds me. And my simple life.

Good night.

But to be honest, when I hang out with all of you, I feel inspired to pray and to have faith.

I see Jesus in you all despite our human nature, imperfections and sins.

And to be honest, I want you guys as my friends. People I can chill with and call up any time without fear of rejection or judgement. Friends that will be there for a lifetime.

As much as I understand the phases and seasons of the many friendships that come and go through our life... For once, I just want some friends that are there for sure. Friends that are there for life. Friends that don't forget you but go out of there way for you.

Maybe I'm being too selfish to ask this. If I am, I'm so sorry God, I've already made so many selfish decisions.

At the end of the day though, thank You God for all the experiences and all the friendships and acquaintances.

Everyone taught me a lesson and brought me closer to You; both those who loved and hated me; both those who stayed and left.

Truly, You were constant through it all.

"But it was right at that moment that I started to realize that silence was in fact inhabited by someone."

I hate it when someone hurts my pride, because then it reminds me that I have pride, and because of that, it reminds me of all my imperfections and the long, tiring road ahead of me.

To me, pride is the enemy of love. It's the enemy of all the relationships we hold dear in life. Most often then not, it makes us let go, but not let God. And in that sense... You let go with hate or indifference, but with the cost of leaving a bit of yourself behind. Someone who says "I don't care" about their problems, to me, already sounds emptier than someone who admits their hurts but perseveres. Only when you are humble and let go and let God can you truly come back to the comforting and warm freedom that is Jesus.

You'll for once look at your past enemies as friends again, or at least as respectful acquaintances. Not as enemies or complete strangers.

Forgiveness goes a long way. But pride stops it. But God can make a way--if you let Him.

"What makes someone fall so far?"

"He was a great soldier once--but he made his choice."

At the end of the day, God is gracious.

Kinda wish I had crazy, outdoor friends that would push me and invite me to things like biking, hiking, road trips and the like.

Friends too that would have confidence in me and trust and wouldn't quietly assume I don't do certain things and even if they knew I didn't they would still genuinely want me there to experience new things and guide me outside of my comfort zone.

Talk about ideals lol.

It all starts with me though. Am I welcoming enough? Maybe I should just be that friend.

Both people's presence and absence teach us lessons. I'm thankful to both the people that were there and the people that weren't.

"...Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?" -Job 2:10

Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen. (1 John 4:20 NIV)

One of several of my life mottos. Always love and forgive.. This is what God wants, this is what I want.

A world without a hate.

I opened up again about that stuff to another close friend of mine the other day. I cried again haha.. So embarrassing, but relieving as well. It was in public as well, over pho.

What hit me the most though was that she cried for me. The tears though were of hope. She had so much faith in me and most especially in God that good things were planned for me and that one day all that I am and all that I've done and will do would be explained.

I can't even properly describe the moment but it was pretty embarrassing with us both sort of crying over pho haha.

But it was reaffirming none the less. I opened up. I reasserted a true friendship. And the pho was good.

Baby steps and faith. Things will fall into place.

"Only pho warms the heart." Oh man.. Haha