Freedom

For awhile I felt it. Tasted it. Saw it. Held it joyously in my heart.

Then I did a jerk move. After what? A couple of minutes of gracing me? To be free to finally see after so long what I had lost (or what I had been blinded to).

But...

"It is not enough to want to get rid of one’s sins, we also need to believe in the One who saves us from our sins." -C.S. Lewis

I know He loves me, that's something I can't deny.

What can I say? What can I do? What's my excuse?

All I feel like saying is "God, please take away this gift you have given me, I destroyed it. And now I feel like I destroyed a part of me."

Prayer.

Drunk

Find the balance between letting go for the good, and fighting for the good.

Loneliness be trippin' at ma door

Peace... be with you.

God loves me, I have no time for this. Eternity is waiting for me.

Today was good.

DC

To be honest, sometimes life is so good for me and God has blessed me with so many things that I don't know what to say for talks/shares.

I don't know why, I know making people cry isn't the goal, but I feel like my story isn't as intense as other peoples'.

All my tests and trials to this day have been internal, not much of external problems. Or maybe I just put too much blame on myself. Or I just forget easily what people have done to me. Or I feel like my problems aren't really that bad and I'm just blowing them out of proportion and so I say my past experiences were nothing really.

But if God has called me to share, then clearly there is some wisdom He's given me to share with everyone.

Tear down my walls eh? Hopefully my story can apply to someone.

I have to keep praying about this.

Porco Rosso

I feel very calm and at peace today.

I remember last night praying a lot in my sleep. Weird... but amazing at the same time. Like, I remember waking up half awake and half asleep and doing the sign of the cross and praying an Our Father or a Hail Mary or a Glory Be.

Other than that, today was chill and content.

Praise God for today!

"Let God deal with the things they do cause the hate in your heart will consume you too." -Grace Alonsabe

I Give My All

I've come to the point now where I realize that evil will be with me as long as my stay is here on earth. There will be pain, there will be suffering, there will be regret and illogical decisions made.

But what's funny and ironic yet entirely beautiful and humiliating is the fact that despite our human nature of lust, selfishness and pride, God has given us the KNOWLEDGE and the WISDOM to see it. To see it in our words, our thoughts and our actions. What a huge bowl of internal battles and chaos that resides within us.

But another thing I've come to the point of realizing is that not only will evil be with me on my time here, but so will God.

And I think that's a lesson I have to learn, emotionally and reasonably, tied together in faith, to realize that God is with me too. Every step of the way. And that after my journey here, God will still walk with me in Heaven, but evil will fall away.

Praise God and God Bless!

"Keep the mind of an adult, but the heart of a child."

Dear God,

I made promises to You, Lord. I'm not letting my emotions take control over everything. True I don't understand You or why all of this is happening to me right now, but God I made those promises to You for a reason. I made those promises to You because I knew those days that I was saved. I knew that I had to make those promises because there were going to be dark and dreadful times full of tests.

Lord, I feel like for a year now I've been exactly in that time.

Lord God, I KNOW YOU LOVE ME. I'm not giving up because You don't give up on me. I don't care what Satan tries Lord, I KNOW YOU LOVE ME. You are truly a righteous and good God, You will never abandon your children.

I know I've said things to You, Lord, harsh things. I ask for Your forgiveness, please forgive me. I'm foolish and prideful. I offer this hate and anger to You, Lord and I ask that you fill my damaged heart with Your love. I want to let go, and let You.

This war inside me has been going on long, I'm not giving up Lord because I know you're not giving up on me.

I choose to be happy.

Promises.

I promise to never stop praying.
I promise to always try my best, and let God do the rest.
I promise to always keep my eyes on the things that are above and the goal, Jesus Christ.
I promise to NEVER forget how much You love me.

February 2, 2011

A chill day spent with Tina Balce. Chill at the library, Tobiko conversations, more chilling at the library. Although it was a simple day spent hanging out with a close sister, her stories of her love life were a reminder to keep myself up and on the right thoughts and right path... and to remember that God loves me and has plans for me of a wonderful future.

Thank you Kristina Balce for reminding me to keep Christ in my thoughts when it came to love vs. lust. Thank you for being in love with Him and bringing those around you closer to Him as well.

God Bless!

PS Thanks to you too Michael Mendoza, you indirectly inspired me and reminded me to keep it real in God's eyes.

Praying for the both of you, whatever His plans may be, it's for the best for the both of you. :)

PPS Oh ya, went to the Novena mass and confession! Thank you God!

Chill day

Spent it with HC Seniors, Daniel, Marquez, Abby, Gerard, Bryce and Alo. Tobiko was good :)

I feel refreshed for some reason but I'm not too sure why, well in a way I know because it was a day spent with good friends, but at the same time I'm not too sure.

PS gotta go to confession tomorrow.

PG (Praise God)!

"who else could cause so much destruction?"

The devil. He's pushed us into hate, gossip, indifference, and unfaithfulness to me, to them, to us. My friends and I. Summer usuals...

After a year now--or maybe more for some of us, and maybe less for others--of a bit of brokenness and loss of the real contact with each other, I think that 3 way heart-to-heart with Gerard and Abby really opened my eyes and theirs.

And I think we now know who to blame... ALL of us, for falling to the enemy's snares. Using each other as a scape goat for blame, mistreating each other purposely out of hurt and anger, talking behind each others' backs, never lovingly correcting each other but gossiping about each others mistakes in an unloving way, and most especially for failing to pray together. We haven't prayed together since 2 summers ago.

I feel like we all just got tested as a group, and kinda failed. But, at least God gave three of us the grace to realize what happened and what went wrong. Now, starting with us three, maybe we can begin the healing.

Summer Usuals Forum soon for sure, I think its time we talk and patch up some wounds and untold hurts.

Who knows what God's plan is for all of us, but I don't know about you guys, I tried leaving, and He wouldn't let me. Heh, maybe we really do play that big of a role in YFC.

So here's to us, I'm praying for us. Please pray with me.

God Bless.

-Gabriel