What proof is there that God exists?

Me.

RLC, you were so good to me. God, you brought up exactly what I asked You to teach me: Lovingly Correcting.

Praise God, praise God forever!

Btw

Please God, empty out the hate in my heart.

Teach me how to love as You have loved me.

RLC

is starting today! I'm excited, hopefully I will learn a lot from this retreat.

Maybe I'll learn some perspective changing things. Or maybe some pushers to keep going.

God bless!

Unit Head?

A Surrey 1 Unit Head. No wonder Marquez was talking about transferring.

To be honest I'm all up for it, it doesn't matter because I love YFC.

But Butch asked me during our one on one this question: "Why be the unit head? Why step up and be a leader?" And honestly I'm still thinking.

I'll keep praying about it, whatever God's will is, it will be done. :)

Vent: Swearing

I hate it when people swear, ESEPCIALLY my friends. It's weird that I find it easier to forgive them when they drink and blaze but swearing.... seriously man.. it's like a constant wave of sin. Sure it's not like they're constantly being drunk or constantly high, but constant swearing? Foreal? You know what they say, "sloppy language means sloppy thinking."

If there's anything I hate more than pride, it's swearing.

And it sucks because in all honesty I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CALL MY FRIENDS OUT. Or lovingly correct would be a better way to say it. For me it's easier to lovingly correct sisters but even then I'm not too sure. Brothers? Don't even get me started. There's only one brother I know that I can lovingly correct and trust that he'll show an honesty in trying and that's Alo... that's probably why I consider him my closest guy friend out of everyone.

All the other brothers I have NO COURAGE at all to lovingly correct. Why? Because I'm afraid of 1. Pride and 2. Fear of rejection. sad I know, some friend am I right? But I guess I've just been hurt a lot by being pushed away from other brothers because I was "too holy".... Last time I checked being "holy" was being WHO YOU ARE. And they're not being who they are...

Sorry guys, but I'm not choosing the world standards over God's just for a couple of times of "acceptance."

You're afraid I'm going to judge you? Why would I judge you? You're my friend, I love you. Besides, God is the only One who can judge.

Peace.

“But I tell you that men will have to give account on the day of judgment for every careless word they have spoken. For by your words you will be acquitted, and by your words you will be condemned.” - Matthew 12:36-37

just sayin...

Wow.

THE CO WAS CRAZY!!!! (although I really wish my household members were there :/)

but PRAISE GOD FOR TODAY! I feel like I learned a lot for some reason, I'm not too sure why but I just feel it inside that I did.

God Bless everyone!!!

PS. I think I'm moving up tomorrow, I have a one-on-one with Butch and Marquez told me to keep an open heart for tomorrow. Man, I really wanna know what it is that God's got planned for me next.

CO

None of my household members can go :x I feel like a bad Household leader to be honest. Maaaaan...

Exams

Math = asian fail
Chem = asian okay

PEACE UBC! SFU will do.

The Rosary

Praying it always helps, especially when I'm in an extreme state of sin..........

I prayed it with my mom, and today is Tuesday, the Sorrowful Mysteries.

I wish I would just start praying whenever temptation came around... I feel pathetic. I'm sorry God.

Thank You though for the Rosary, I feel better, but I know this isn't over until confession.

Praise God, none the less, Praise His name forever. The fact that I promised to never forget how much He loves me is what is pushing me through this sin.

...

This Addiction

...is creating more questions, more doubts, more hate, more anger.

"God does punish people for their sins, sin is a punishment unto itself."

So true...

I hate this. It hurts. I feel empty.

Never stop praying...

It's exam week, and I'm tired. But I'm feeling pretty confident about the upcoming Chem and Math Final, PG for Cheat... posters? hahaha and mock finals that mean nothing to your mark. :)

Anyway...

I'm feeling pretty lonely not gonna lie, I've been studying a lot and it's cool talking to people on the phone but I really want to see people face to face, without a huge amount of practice math provincials and chem notes between us, jus' sayin'.

Other than that my week is good. I messed up though... I need to go to confession again...

"Stress what is good."

Only His unconditional love for me is keeping me going.

Can't wait for second sem. Peace.

Singing

I think I found my new passion. Singing. I've always just wanted to be able to sing songs full out and out loud and today God gave me that chance to just sing my heart out with a few great friends for how many hours, I have no idea.

It was.. beautiful, I think I'll remember that for a long time, the first time I just sang my heart out without caring.

Thank You, God. Really, thank You so much.

I love You. Please help me to stress what is good and continue to do Your will.

Hopefully one day I can have a voice that will lead hearts to You.

Praise God, good night world. :)

You've already won.

I lost a game today, and I wanted to win so I could end the night with that. We were so close to winning but everything turned around and we lost.

I was legit pissed a bit and halfheartedly saying to myself: "It's okay, just a game."

And then that voice in my head said: "You've already won what matters most."

Me: "What?"

Voice: "Do you believe in God?"

Me: "Yes."

Voice: "Do you believe He forgives sins?"

Me: "Yes."

Voice: "Then you've already won."

...wow.

Before I sleep...

I want myself to know that God always loves me.

Remember your fourth promise to Him, Gabriel?

I think that one is the most important one of them all.

Pray for grace and understanding. It is sort of confusing where He's taking you (me).

Goodnight, world.

I promise to never stop praying.

My first promise to God was originally "I promise to never give up."

But who am I without God? So many times I've been pushed to my limit and even saying ignorant and foolish things to God I regret saying. So many times I've doubted Him all because I couldn't "feel" Him.

So what can I say? What can I do? All this time, I never stopped praying even with the anger and hate I had against Him because I knew that I couldn't do it alone. I knew that I couldn't stop even when I wanted to because I knew He would never stop for me.

So...

I promise to never stop praying.

Boss

Hung out with Jocelyn today, man I haven't seen her in so long! I missed her :') So good to catch up :)

McD's conversations, casual shoppin' and silent bonding @ Chapters haha!

She's dope, hope we can hang out again soon!

Good weekend! (Jan 7-9/2011)

Friday:

• Chill with Larissa and Gerard and other people, most awkward lunch ever HAHAHAHA
• Spare second block! aw ye!
• Surrey 1 GA, nice to see Surrey 1 again :) Surrey 2 Elites said they'd spot me for ILC!!!!!! THANK YOU GOD!!!! Grace offered me a job at McDonald's to help pay them back, THANK YOU GOD AGAIN!!!! :D
  
• Chillage at Felix's
• Sleepover at Patrick's, aw haven't seen that guy in so long

Saturday:

• Chilling with Patrick in the morning, miss his house and rents haha
• Confession, thank You God, really.
• bus/walk back from Confession, I live in a beautiful world :)
  
• Pan de Sal with butter at home/chill with my parents
• Ervinn's birthday party, SO FUN!! HAHHAHA seeing everyone, Canucks vs. Detroit, Things, watching parts of scary movies, interrupted real talks with Monica and Erin, kpop sesh with Kenny and Victoria, jamming in the basement, charades with Alo and Erin and Mitchel, then the sleepover at Ervinn's with Alo, Mitchel, Joe and Ervinn

Sunday:

• Joe's phone.... hahahaha
• Beautiful morning/afternoon woow
  
• 17 Again
• Brunch cooked by Erin with Ervinn, Errol and Mitchel, delicious spaghetti :)
  
• Just a chill day with the Tangcos+Mitchel, felt like summer :)
• Mass @ OLGC with them
• Wendy's after, "...that's it?" LOL
• Home! usual welcome home greeting from the parents: weird teasing stares sort of stating "who is this boy?" with a usual "laagan ka" (bisaya for someone who goes out a lot lol)

Praise God for this weekend!!!!!!!!!

Hmm

I don't approve. I never did. And I don't think I ever will until you grow up and quit with the two-facing. Just sayin'.

I think she deserves way better.

I'm not hating, you're my friend, but when you step into that territory with her, it's a no.

I feel ya

"I am a guy, and I am very jealous of girls. Because, girls can hug, kiss and cuddle with each other without fear of being called as gay or lesbians. Girls share stories better with other girlfriends compared to guys who would rarely give a fuck of each others problems. Girls can gossip around and look cute and beautiful, rather than being dull, like most trying-to-look-macho guys. But then, I remembered that females get heartbroken real easily, fragile, weak, works a lot at home, get pregnant, get period pains and lots more problems than most men. And that's the reason why boys exist. We exist to protect you girls out there, and its a shame that its hard to find a good guy nowadays. And I'm proud being a guy. Someday I'll treat my wife better than a queen." -Anonymous

I completely agree with this guy. Thumbs up for him, foreal, he's got it.

Really?

really Gabe?

...

I need to move on. It's like this hate transfers from one of them to the next. It's constantly moving, constantly sneaking. It brings up all the things they didn't do, all the things they did do, all the things they said and didn't, all the things I would have normally overlooked on any other person.

Clearly, this healing process will take a bit more time.

I guess part of me just still can't get over the fact that they'll NEVER understand how much pain I felt.

They just can't understand. I don't think they ever will, even after telling them I hated them they still couldn't even bare to wonder or ask how a "summer usual" friend that they always say "you inspire me" to could go as low as to confront them bluntly and say "I hate you."

I guess that's why, it's just trying to get over that fact.

But..... maybe this is how God feels to us.... but he just keeps forgiving.

But He knows better, He's God... maybe that's my pride or hate talking.

Sorry God, it just hurts a lot. Please help me heal. This is tiring.

Really tiring.

I wish I could see myself from someone else's point of view.

Library days

Man that is the second time I've cried in that library from laughter. omg HAHAHAHAHA!

Library usuals.. ;)

Epic

I have this love for epic and awesome things. Things that blow my mind from powerful singing voices to emotional and awe-inspiring dances to the resonating, echoing sounds of a classical piano piece; to the aurora borealis and to the vastness of the incomprehensible size of the galaxies of space. And to the miracle of a group of youth in a room singing and praising their hearts and souls out to the almighty Creator up above.

I have this love for epic and awesome things, and I think it's just one of the ways God created in me to see Him in His glory and light.

Perfect love

I thank God so much for the chance to go to confession. Honestly, I could write an essay on how there are so many things wrong with me from my inconsistency, to my hypocrisy, to my doubt, to my self-hate and disappointment but I KNOW God would NEVER let me do such a thing.

He's always there pushing me forward even in my darkest hours and even when I fight back and hurt Him.

I love You so much, thank You for this chance to go to confession and be clean again.

Here's to another round, let's do this Gabe, fight this sin. Be the hammer, not the anvil.

Thank You again.

Much love to You,

Gabriel

Hello, new blog.

So I'm making this blog to try something new. Just going to blog about whatever.

Yup, s'it.

Casual blogging time, start!

Fo'real a secret blog after my first blogspot and tumblr failed and became hugely public haha! This will probably be temporary though, I'm still having second thoughts and insecurities about how this will affect my future emotional self (will it benefit or not). <-- insecure for sure

Still considering if I will even share this with the closests.

K peace!