"If you asked me to speak honestly about the matter that bugs me the most, I’d say a lot of things and skirt around the topic. I tend to do that. I don’t like sharing what troubles me at the heart of things. But if you stuck around in spite of all that? I’d probably say things like how I’m tired of hoping that the outcome of this will be positive. How I’m tired of hoping things will get better and return to the way things were two, five, ten years ago. How I’m tired of investing myself emotionally in someone who won’t change himself, even if everyone else thinks he will. How I’m tired of seeing those I love hurt. How I’m tired of incalculable rage, though I know better not to harbour it.

I’m not a hopeful man except with matters of the faith, which is ironic because God is the one to whom I confide in the most with this matter. I don’t expect that things are going to mend themselves to perfect repair. That would be a foolish thing to think. I don’t think that things are going to get any better for the problem, however. It’s easy for a man to say he’s going to turn over a new leaf and start anew but give him enough freedom, turn enough of a blind eye again and he’ll drown in his vices—or smoke them—if you’re not careful.

Christ preaches about love and forgiveness. Lent is all about turning away from sin and believing in the Gospel. Being a Catholic with integrity is all about living those core values in your life. It’s easy to do in theory but it’s damn hard to do in practice. It’s a damn hard thing to love an enemy. It’s a damn hard thing to forgive when the enemy is considered family. I don’t forgive easily and I don’t hurriedly forget the wrongs against me. I’m a bitter man for the hurt done to me and the irreparable harm the matter has caused others. I don’t show it and I prefer it that way; let others help those who need it more than I do.

I’m assured that it’ll sort itself out in God’s time but I’m much too tired of fighting to be hopeful. That’s in my character. Yeah, I wanted to vent. Every man has his moment of weakness; better that I yell at a wall than at somebody I could hurt. I’m angry but not at God or those in my life. I’m angry at the fact that I once believed that the man was strong enough to turn away from that which destroys him. I’m angry that the man’s the prodigal and I’m just waiting for the parable to show me the lesson."

-John Ray Catingub

Wow...

My true friends are the ones who tell me the truth. Their good, and their bad. And I'm thankful to them for that. Foreal.

All relationships, whatever they are, NEED truth.

That’s about as clear as you can get. If you want a relationship, a family, or a friendship to last, you need to have truth.

No one likes lies. Lies hurt. They break trust, they mock what’s true, they reveal cowardice, and in the end lead to nothing but nothing.

Those amazing relationships that everyone sees and wishes they had last BECAUSE there is truth. The truth, whether good or bad, is communicated and dealt with. How people respond to truths is entirely up to them and their humility and maturity, but nonetheless it all leads down to whether you will even reveal the truth or not.

Even if you’ve done something shady or wrong, your friends, family and significant others would like to know. It shows that you care about yourself and them enough to admit your faults and genuinely want to become a better person.

If you are reluctant to reveal your truths because of fear of judgement or whatever you name it, then you’re depriving yourself of true love.

Lies hurt. Lies destroy relationships.

“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.” -1 John 4:18

Discernment in my YFC service.

Thanks to a talk with my Dad, it really helped me zero in on the problem: When it comes to leading worship with people who aren't familiar with it (like at camps) I can't do them.

To me worship is something so personal. So very personal and it's fake to say the least when I lead worship in front of people who aren't comfortable with it. You could say I worship God with my lips but not my heart, and it's very true. That's exactly what I feel when it comes to things like that and if anything, these people need to see genuine love and passion in the brother who leads a worship. They need someone who can be themselves.

Because how else can people come to the faith if not with what is true?

I really pray and hope that this Lent season will teach me something. I hope it'll show me the way. All I know is that my goal is to be in the kingdom of Heaven with God and whatever there is that lies between now and there is up to Him.

Doing God's will isn't complicated. It's simple.

I just want to be happy and live life knowing that it's not just me fighting to be happy, but me and Him fighting to be happy because I know that in my happiness I glorify God in all His loveliness.

"If there’s so much I must be, can I still just be me the way I am?" -Kiara, Lion King II

Though hope is frail, it's hard to kill
Who knows what miracles you can achieve