Stop writing. Start doing.

And with that, may God be praised.

Late Night Observation:

The me of not-so-long-ago would have been choked that I'm not a part of it (or those) anymore. But the me now knows that true friendship is undefined by groups, cliques, fame or hype. 

I've definitely changed and grown in a good way, in that area of life specifically.

Thank You.

Deadlines, due dates, and expectations. It's exhilarating and productive. But a bit overwhelming as well.

Oh well, this is my degree anyway.

I actually do enjoy it, too. :)

#latenighthonesty, McDonald's style.

A blessed night with awesome friends.

I'm starting to see it now. God's righteous anger and punishment is equally just as mysterious and beyond my understanding as is His mercy and grace.

"As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." -Isaiah 55:9

And again, His answer is the Eucharist.

All it takes is a prayer. Open up to Him and pour out your entire self: shame, guilt, sin and tears. Everthing good and everything bad; all your dreams and desires, all your regrets and fears.

No one can save me but You.

Never what I wanted, but always what I needed.

I'm just very selfish when it comes to many things. Yes, I may have a lot of internal problems, but the world doesn't revolve around me. Even with the pain of my cross, my cross is meant to be exactly as it symbolizes: A death of myself to bring life to others. And a resurrection through Christ.

I may fail everywhere I go, but God has asked me to hold on. To pray and to love.

Lord have mercy on my hate and anger.

No one and nothing else can save me.

No one and nothing else but Him alone.

(In this area of life Lord, I feel so hopeless. Everything else is fine but this one area. If the devil has even one foothold in a human life, it's almost like none of the other good matters. All the guilt, all the sin. It feels so overpowering. I can't discern what is truth Lord. Your love? Your mercy? But what about your justice? Your righteous anger? For almost 13 years of my life now Lord this has been the drawback. It has never been at peace, it's always been a war. It's killing my relationship with You though. I find it so hard to pray and to believe in Your love sometimes. I always remember all the stories of the Old Testament. The sin has done nothing but leave ruin, confusion, anger and hate in my life. I'm left with so many questions. They are not questions of the mind though that could be easily reasoned through human thought like "God loves you." But they're questions of the heart. It's easy for my mind to simply choose You. But my heart is so hard, dead and weak. It's tired. And it's all my fault. What is mercy, Lord? Does it run out? Are certain people merely brought to the Truth only to be destined to fall in accordance with the Word? The narrow path or the wide path. I have no idea where I am. People could simply just say "you've been blinded." But what of it? My heart and mind know and my soul battles day and night and day and night after. Like in the book of Ephesians, everything feels so vain.

I'm so hurt Lord. And my pain, guilt and sins have reached this phase for awhile. I can't tell anymore Lord if I'm just falling lower and growing more distant. Without You, I feel no true love. But I'm afraid to ask of You because You already know my heart. You know my darkness. I don't even cry anymore because of my wrongs. I cry because I feel that my tears and prayers mean nothing to You anymore. I'm tired of saying the same prayers of apology and selfishness. I'm tired of praying for happiness and "good feelings of faith" if I'm just going to pay everything back in sin. Most of the time I'm not even hating people or loving them. I'm just tired of everyone.

Pride? Obviously, but what more people must throw me down, how many more people must embarass me and hate me, who else has to push me around before I can claim humility? How many more whispers behind my back, fakes and assumers do I have to experience?

I cry too Lord because I'm so damaged. No girl has ever broken my heart before, because I've already broken my own countless times. My tears don't stop my sins. My prayers don't. It's not Your fault, everything is mine to blame. And the devil can go on and continue to accuse me of all my sins. I have no excuse. No reason. It was my choice. And I wish I could say sorry. But I don't know anymore Lord. Nothing seems real anymore.

I do things out of obedience. And nothing else. Because obedience is all I have left. But even that was never there to begin with.

"If you Love God you will keep His commandments."

Thank You for loving me. I'm not too sure if I ever loved You back.

I'm so sorry, I tried so hard.)

His answer is the Eucharist.

"Don't tell me about what other people have told you about yourself. Tell me about you."

Life keeps swimming along.

But I am grateful because summer 2013 was one of the best summers for me. Although quiet most of the time, big stuff and small stuff happened from HHI to TNC to all the chill and instantaneous days with people I love.

It was a blessed experience in a humbling, quiet and observant way.

I still have so long to go, but here's to making everyday like a summer vacation.

Rain, snow, sun or wind, I want to make the most of my life.

It's about time I stopped writing posts about how summer 20xx or how the year 20xx was this or that. In God's time seconds, hours, days, years and ages become too small compared to His huge plan and become negligible. Time is negligible. I shouldn't be so worried about trying to make this or that season or time or place to be the best thing ever. Instead, I should be praying and letting God make my life the best thing ever.

No regrets! Just forgiveness.

Here's to the rest of my life.

I pray that when I die, Lord, I'll have hopefully passed this test they call life.

It's been a crazy, wild, terrible and beautiful journey so far.

Good night!

"You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere. That is the price you pay for the richness of loving and knowing people in more than one place."

And one time.