Thursday, March 31, 2011

Colorgenics profile, as of Thursday, March 31st, 2011

You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back... so let go, trust and you may be pleasantly surprised at what happens.

At this time you 'need to be needed' and again you 'need to need'. You have had this feeling for some time now and you are looking for someone who could share a close bond in an atmosphere of shared intimacy. You have the belief that with the right person you could conquer the world.

The situation at this time is one of considerable distress. You feel trapped and you are looking for some way out. You can find solace in the arms of someone who cares so long as there is no long-term emotional involvement.

From every direction there appear to be unwarranted restrictions on your freedom of action and this is producing considerable stress. You're really looking for independence and freedom from any restriction and therefore avoiding any obligations or anything which might prove hampering. You are being subjected to considerable pressures and you would like nothing better than to escape from them but you tend to lack the necessary strength of purpose to succeed in this. Whichever way you turn you are being frustrated. You need to be free to do your 'thing' in your own way.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Washing over all our sin

I feel like my relationship with God is a constant roller coaster.

Before, everything was emotion, and so my spiritual warfare was with my feelings.

Now, thanks to taking Philosophy in high school, my faith now includes reason.

...And now my spiritual warfare is also through the ideas, logic and rationality of man.

I feel like I'm passed that desert phase (although I'm afraid to say if that's for sure) but now I'm in this new phase of constant ups and downs. Like God is finally making His way more into my life fully in ALL areas. But it's just.... Sometimes I want to cry no joke. Oh man. It came out. It's just all this thinking, it's so tiring, honestly. I'm so tired. And I'm so sorry.

I feel like the spiritual warfare is ravaging my heart and my mind. It hurts... more than I take it for.

I just want to go Home. I just want to be with Him.

I'm so tired. So, so, tired.

Btw a slap to my face today, a really interesting slap:

"But I realized after that God doesn’t always work with karma. Just because I didn’t do anything wrong doesn’t mean I don’t deserve to be taught a lesson. Maybe my life was yearning for more knowledge therefore God gave me an obstacle for me to learn from. And I really did learn." -Kim Nguyen

Praise God for working through her tonight. I'll be praying for her as always.

God.. you're funny. I know You love me. Please cleanse me from my sin.

NTS:
Matthew 11:28-30

God Bless

Sunday, March 27, 2011

So Sick

Just one of those days that I feel really sensitive and quiet. I'm not really up for talking, and I'm not up for the jokes right now. Just those days when jokes seem to sound like sober thoughts of what people really think of me. Just sayin'.

After a day of sly and subtle hater comments I'm not up for stuff like that. Even those that are just "jokes."

Other than that, today was chill, just playing old school games all day. Gotta focus on the love.

Man, I need to go to Confession.

Please forgive me God, teach me how to love and forgive as you have loved and forgiven me.

...This world tires me a lot.

This attitude isn't good though, even the thoughts and sides I don't show people are seen by God.

If you want to be holy, it must be in all areas of your life, even the ones that other people don't see.

"Be hard on yourself, easy on others."

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Agape

Lord God, I went on the Agape Walk today to downtown East Hastings and gave candy to homeless women and prostitutes…

It’s true what they say, you could be talked at and lectured about things all your life but until you go out and DO IT, you will NEVER understand the pain, suffering and dignity of these people.

Praise God for today, thank you so much God. I have so much to be thankful for, so much to be loving for.

Shout out to Abby Zaporteza, Mikey Raymundo, Francis Colcol and YFC Vancouver Chapter and the 2 woman and men that helped us and guided us through the streets in the night.

I love you God, I know You love me. Please continue to protect me and guide me.

Praise God.

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Best friend

That search for my best friend. That deep need for a friend who will always be there, who will always want to chill with you, who will always call you up, and you always call up. Who never lies to you, who always believes that you deserve the truth, who doesn’t pressure you into betraying your values and what is right, who wants you to grow even if it hurts, who pushes you to succeed, who pushes you to win. Who isn’t afraid to lovingly correct you, who’s patient with you even when you’re hard to love. Who knows when you just need an ear to listen to, and always talks to you like nothing ever changed. That search for my best friend who’ll be with me everyday and always wants to know if I’m doing okay, who appreciates who I am, and who will always be there for me unconditionally and enjoy my company genuinely.

I found Him.

Jesus is my best friend. And I’m certain He’ll teach me how to be a good friend.

“My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” -John 15:12-15

Humility and Discernment

Vocation: When your deep passion meets the world's deep needs.

Being in a group of extremely talented friends, sometimes I feel sort of left out. Don't take my words too deep though, I mean, I love dance, I love singing, I love photography, I love filming, I love and appreciate a lot of things in life but they're just not my PASSION. They're not what drive me from day to day and they're not what fill my schedule and they're not what define my friends.

Sometimes I feel jealous of my friends to be honest. They've got these talents that they're committed too and it brings them so much joy and it bring them to people and people to them and they've got best friends who share the same passion with them. What could be better right? Their passion even gives them so much time together.

I guess that's what hurts most right now, I don't know what my passion in life is.

Well, that sounds a bit too harsh haha, but I hope you know what I mean. I love God, I love my family, I love my friends, I love people... I have a strong passion for passion :/

But that's so broad and it relies so much on other human beings... Which sucks. Because what more could hurt you the most right?

I hate it when I know the answer but my heart can't let go. Then again I just can't let go of humanity.

This just shows how much more I still have to learn about Him. He's there, somewhere about, watching over me. Silent, yet loud. Distant, yet close.

Man...

I hope this post wasn't just made in the moment.

"The difference between solitude and loneliness is the attitude."

Faith.

Monday, March 21, 2011

I called, You answered.

Blessed day today. Praise God. Honsetly. Really.. I'm really happy right now not gonna lie.

Things are definitely growing; growing apart, growing together, growing closer... growing. Changing.

Old feelings I felt for only a particular group feels like it's growing into everyone I know.

God is crazy, He's doing something in me, I just gotta TRUST.

Another chapter... it's coming. I feel it.

Here's to Godly sorrow, here's to Godly joy.

Monday, March 7, 2011

Things are swell.

Right now.

I think I'm starting to learn what it really means to find satisfaction only in Him.

And what it really means to praise Him and love Him with all my might.

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Give up.

When was the last time you actually gave it up to Him?

You know, other than destroying yourself and pushing Him away... when was the last time you actually gave up?

You know you're weak, you know you can't do this, so why do you keep destroying yourself? You're damaged enough. Why do you keep thinking YOU can do this?

Because you can't.

Give up.

Give it up to God.

I promise you, you will see the greatest things.

Love,
your conscious

Peace.