It's a battle that comes up every now and then.. It's just trying to remind myself that I am loved. By family, by friends, and most importantly, by God.
Sometimes it feels so lonely. I'm different, I'm weird, I'm pretty awkward and insecure although I know I come off as a really confident guy who has it all together (at least to people who don't really know me).. sometimes.. but I know me. I hear all my thoughts. I see all the pictures in my head.
There's a difference between me being alone and me feeling alone. Sometimes I like to be alone, nothing wrong with that. I believe people need times to themselves to think, reflect or just chill by themselves. By what's worst is that sometimes I just feel so alone. And it's funny because sometimes it's the strongest when I'm completely surrounded by people.
I guess I just notice all the differences between me and every single person. How no matter what, I'll never really be in a complete union with people, close friends or even my family because I'm just so.. different. haha
Not that being different is a bad thing though.
In all honesty I understand that everyone is different.
Lately, I feel like I'm starting to lean towards accepting that I'll never feel that 100% union with any other human being and I'll only feel it when I'm with God face to face.
Key word: feel.
I wonder what God's thoughts are on me leaning towards that... I would sure love to hear His input, cause I really need guidance here.
And some assurance.
I just want to trust people. I don't want to hide my heart behind invulnerable walls.
"I will break their hearts of stone, and give them hearts for love alone."
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