"It's either all my fault or I've been fooled by the devil into thinking I'm the only one who has pride."

Tearin' up my heart

Wow... what a roller coaster.

Just, wow.

Good night. God please grant me rest and peace, watch over me and my friends and my family as we all sleep tonight.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new day...

I just want to know what it's like to fall in love with whoever she is.

I called... You answered

And You came to my rescue, and I want to be where You are.

I want to be where You are. I want to fly. I want to love. I want to be happy. I want to forgive easily. I want to be surrounded by Your love.

You give me experiences that change my life, an emotion that today's people would call true happiness, and knowledge and wisdom to live life; to live.

I want to hold on to why I wanted to change, to why I put so much effort into You. I want to get back to my roots, to when I didn't care about expectations and I believed that I could never truly hate anyone. To when you were TRULY my center, my focus.

It's amazing, years of lust but the one time I fall to true hate, true rejection of love, I had never felt so damaged before. So shaken. So... numb.

I just want to go back, Jesus.

Well, more like I want to move forward, God.

I want to run.

Faith, Love, Humility, Repentance.

Huh...

Starting to wonder who this 'them' is.

Damn you teenage hormones, I like it when I'm not emotionally all over the place. I feel like I can't even make a decision without the next day being a hypocrite.

Colorgenics profile, as of Friday, April 1st, 2011

You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back... so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.

Enough is enough. Nothing seems to be working out as you would like it to and it has got to the stage where you feel as if you can't be bothered anymore. The way you feel is that it would be great if you could be cut off from everything and take it easy - be it only for a short time.

You lack confidence and that is a great pity because deep down you are indeed a warm caring person. This lack of confidence is making you wary of being drawn into any open discussion or conflict and so you feel as if you should let matters lie and leave well alone. But there may be a pleasant surprise in store for you. You are beginning to grow and very soon - sooner than you believed possible - this warm loving new you will be available for all to see and to appreciate.

Whatever you strive to do, something always seems to be holding you back. There is no subterfuge in you. You are a clear thinker and all you demand from life, in a relationship, is a partner whom you can trust and with whom you can, together, develop a foundation of trust based on understanding. You are your own person and you demand freedom of thought to follow your own convictions. You have no interest in 'two-timing' and all you seek is sincerity and 'straight-dealing'.

You wish to be left in peace... no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don't want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for 'them' to get on with it - and to leave you alone.

Note to Self

This world is harsh, and with all the unreasonable hate, anger and selfishness it has, it will never be a good enough excuse for me to reflect that.

God loves me; His grace is enough.

I have no excuse.