I guess it's a bit funny looking back at how much I've changed as a person.

Was I ever truly introverted? Or was I always an extrovert, just extremely shy combined with all that other negative stuff? (shyness isn't all that bad)

I only started loving going out of my house and being with people once I met God and met all these wonderful people through YFC and PT. Before, I would dodge hanging out with friends from school during elementary because I just loved to be alone. I found so much peace in myself through my isolation. But now...?

It's like I've forgotten how to be alone, to be honest.

Hm.

It's concerning to say the least. But only because, as emo cliche as this is going to sound, I don't want to get too attached to people. Expectations hurt. A lot. And it sucks that my love language just so happens to require that I physically be with people when I know I can't all the time. And if people don't love me the way I want them to, it just gets worse from there.

So I guess it's a lose-lose situation. I need to be with people to fully fulfill myself, and yet I have problems trusting if my friends even care about me sometimes, which pushes me into isolation.

And then it leads to that... I like to think I like to be alone, but I'm not too sure if I work like that anymore...

I just would really like to love myself too you know.

People can be distracting.

But it's wrong to blame others.

Hm.

PS I've been out literally everyday of my winter break so far, and this is one day where I just decided to stay home. All these thoughts developed within the span of one day. ONE day. That is concerning for sure. I've changed a whole lot. :/ haha

PPS Gah, these posts. Well, as they say (kind of): "in the words of a broken heart (excluding that) it' just emotions."

I should go pray. =] I got God to talk to anytime anyway, what am I moping about for?

Le sigh, life.

Sorry, God.