In the process of solidifying myself and growing up, I've realized that my old self has slowly been creeping back subtly in the background.

But to what extent? A lot of the sad parts of my life were during when I was younger, and so I guess it's only natural to fear that if I act like my old self... I'll lose all the blessings God has given me now.

But in the process of solidifying myself and growing up, I have to give all that I am up to God; He's asking for every single nook and cranny of who I am. And in doing so, it means coming back to even that old self.

I guess being in YFC and PT and the whole new life really took a toll on me as it demanded that an extroverted side of me come out or be created.

Was I being fake? I just wanted to experience a new side of life and learn about all that the world and other people had to offer. No, I don't think I was being fake, I think God was just revealing more to me of who I really am.

And now that I look at it, I've seen enough now of this extroverted side of me, but God doesn't want this extroverted side to be the only me. He doesn't want me to forget that introverted Gabe.

And to be honest I don't want to either. My quiet strength and determination came from that Gabe. And with all this dust starting to settle, I feel like I have been so lost in trying to vie for attention and love and do everything I wanted to do in life to impress others and have everyone and all my friends accept me that in that loud busting world of extroversion, I forgot how it was to be quiet and alone in my room.

And I miss that. I feel like I've become so drunk on these idols of pleasing people and fishing for praise and attention that I forgot that other side of myself. That other side of myself that was there before everything else, there before my life in YFC, PT, high school, summer usuals, and whatever else.

In the process of solidifying myself and growing up, I know God is calling me to bring everything that I am to Him. And it means coming back to my roots as well. I've lived an awesome and exciting life these past few years, but I'm tired of only being half of me.

I want to be me. I don't want to be a "natural-introvert-learned-extrovert" anymore. I just want to be Gabriel Canizares.

The Gabriel Canizares that God cherishes.